Good Communication for Better Sex

Communication in sex is the one simple thing that can have a huge impact. Learn a good communication to have better and more satisfying sex.

Why communication in sex is important

Good communication is essential for good sex – it can improve your overal satisfaction and lead to more enjoyable experiences for you and your partner.

Communication is important before, during and after sex:

to communicate your needs
When you tell your partner what you like, what you dislike and how you need to be stimulated, you give yourelf a chance to have better sex and more satisfation.
to set your boundaries
Boundaries is what makes sex safe and enjoyable. By setting your boundaries you increase your and your partner’s comfort.
to get to know your partner
Listen to your partner and ask questions to get to know them. Ask your partner about their likes, dislikes, boundaries, needs and fantasies to learn more about their preferences and make sex more enjoyable for them as well. If during sex you’d like to try something new or wild, ask your partner if it’s okay.
to give suggestions
Communicate with your partner during sex to give them suggestions whenever you’d like them to do something differenty, for example slow down, make things more intense, change position or stop.
for aftercare
Talking after sex is is super important. It’s an opportunity for both of you to ask questions, get feedback, talk about the moments you liked and things you wouldn’t like to do again (or you’d like to do differently).

What good communication should be like

If you want to improve your sex life, your communication should be:

open
You and your partner should create and atmosphere of mutual trust, so you both feel comfortable to open up and talk about your deepest desires and feelings.
honest
Honesty is the key in communication. Even if you want to let your partner know that you’re not enjoying something, always be honest about it.
respectful
Being intimate with each other makes partners very vulnerable and sensitive. That’s why it’s very important to always speak respectfully and with positive intention.
informative and precise
When you talk to your partner, always be as clear and precise as possible, so there’s no miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Why talking about sex / during sex can be difficult

Sometimes talking about sex, kinks, needs can be difficult. If you feel that talking about intimacy is challanging for you or makes you uncomfortable, think about the possible reasons and try to work on that:

shame / taboo
Talking about sex is often difficult for people who have been brought up in a conservative environment, people who had a relationship with conservative partners or people who experienced sexual trauma / sexual shaming. If that’s the case for you, you might want to find a good professional sexologist who will help you work on your sexuality and healing.
it feels awkward
When you’re not experienced in sex or you are not used to being vulnerable and talking openly about intimate things, it might feel awkward at first. When you practice it more, it will get more natural and comfortable.
you’re afraid your comments might come off as rude
It’s a common concern for many people. Always talk respectfully to your partner. Make sure that they’re ready for the talk and are able to take your comments in a positive way (without feeling hurt).
you don’t know how to talk or what words to use
If you’re not sure how to talk about sex, check out the examples below. I’m sure they will be a good starting point for you.

Examples of good and bad communication

Giving suggestions

Don’t:
Don’t say things like: “You’re doing it wrong”, “You don’t know how to do it”. Don’t throw general comments with hope your partner will guess what you mean.
Do:
Instead say: “I’d prefer if you do it that way”, “I like to be touched like this”. Describe exactly how you’d like them to do something, guide them, direct their hand or adjust their position gently. Make your communication clear and precise.

Expressing your needs and talking about fantasies

Don’t:
Don’t say “We must try it.”, “I want you to do this and this”. It may feel to your partner like they must participate in whatever you want to do.
Do:
Instead say things like: “I’d like to try this thing with you, if you’re okay with that.”, “It would be nice to try this, what do you think?”, “The idea of this excites me”. Always be open to discuss the ideas and accept that your partner may disagree.

Setting boundaries

If you don’t like certain activities and don’t want to take part in something, always tell it to your partner. Remember to do it in an assertive and respectful way.
Don’t:
Don’t judge your partner for their ideas, kinks and fantasies. Don’t say things like “It’s sick”, “It’s weird”, “It’s disgusting.”, “Are you crazy? I’m never doing that.”, “If you like it, there’s something’s wrong with you.”
Do:
Instead, express your dislikes in a neutral, respectful way; “I don’t feel comfortable with that.”, “For me it’s not arousing or exciting”, “It’s too bold / intense for me”, “It’s not my thing”.

For aftercare

Don’t:
If you want to ask your partner about their impressions don’t ask “Did you come?”. It’s not a good example of communication or a good question to ask.
Do:
Instead ask them “Did you enjoy what we did?”, “What did you like?”, “Which part didn’t you like or what would you like to do differently next time?”, “Is there something you’d like to explore further?”

For mutual comfort

Don’t:
Don’t wait untill you finish to tell your partner that you felt uncomfortable or you didn’t like a certain part at all.
Do:
Always speak up immediately whenever you feel uncomfortable and inform your partner whenever something’s wrong.

Non-verbal communiction

Non-verbal expressions are a natural and essential part of communication in bed.
Some examples of non-verbal communication during sex are:

moans, sighs
redirecting someone’s hand
gently grabbing their head for a kiss
“tapping” their body to let them know “I’ve finished” or “That’s too much, do it softer”
grabbing their hand or arm to let them know how much you like it
getting in a submissive position to suggest your role

It’s good to be attentive to non-verbal communication of your partner and to express your excitement with your body or non-verbal sounds.

However, remember that non verbal communication can be easily misinterpreted or your partner may ignore certain signs completely. So don’t rely just on the non-verbal communication to be sure that sex is safe and pleasurable for both of you and that you’re both understanding each other’s signals.

The Author

NICOLE KAMINSKI

Independent Warsaw Escort

I’m an independent escort based in Warsaw, Poland. On my blog, I write about subjects related to my work: escort dates, Girlfriend Experience, erotic massage, sex & intimacy. You can also find here interesting posts for escort clients and helpful tips for gentlemen planning to book an escort in Warsaw.