The Ultimate Guide to Enjoyable Sex

Practical tips that will make you a better lover and will allow you to enjoy sex even more.

As you probably already know, size doesn’t matter. Big penis is not a guarantee of good sex. So what really matters then?


Communication is key to enjoyable sex. It allows you to set boundaries, guide your partner, and give/receive feedback.

It’s important to acknowledge that everyone’s preferences and experiences are different. What works for one person might not work for another, so there is no perfect recipe or scenario for great sex that satisfies every partner.

It’s essential to communicate, guide each other, give and take feedback, and try different things to find what works for you and your partner. Then, when you’re with a different partner, you start all over again because people are not machines programmed the same way and we all like different things.

Open communication in sex is also an opportunity to communicate your needs, take care of your partner’s physical and emotional needs, and be attentive to each other’s responses. Remember, communication is not just verbal.

Emotional connection and Chemistry

Another important factor in having good sex is the connection and chemistry between partners. This doesn’t necessarily require knowing each other for years or being in love.

All you need is a nice spark, some kind of attraction, and a desire to experience something with that person. It’s about some kind of curiosity – ask yourself, are they intriguing? Do they stimulate your imagination in the right way?

Relaxed mindset

Having a relaxed mindset is crucial for enjoyable sex. If you rush home after work and get ready in 5 minutes for a date, that’s not the right approach. Similarly, jumping into having sex in the first minute of seeing your partner (unless that works for both of you) is not recommended.

Instead, take your time and go slow. It’s important that you and your partner feel comfortable with each other, have mutual respect and trust, and know each other’s boundaries.


The right setting can enhance your sexual experience. A tidy room with dimmed lights, candles, quiet music, and a clean space to enjoy your moment can make every experience better.


When you and your partner are relaxed, comfortable, and ready to explore, take some time for foreplay.

Unrushed foreplay is often an even more important part of sex than the main event.

Slowly undress each other, admire your bodies, cuddle, kiss, and caress. Enjoy the sensual touch and be open to subtle stimulation.

Give yourself time to get aroused and enjoy every step of the experience.

Enjoy the journey, not the destination

Focus on pleasure and be present in the moment, without any expectations. Don’t chase the orgasm; you’ll get there anyway. And even if you don’t, it’s not a problem. You can always come back later. At least you’ll have enjoyed the whole experience. Here you can read more about Why Orgasm is Overrated.

Too much penetration?

Often, people place too much emphasis on penetrative sex or even believe it to be the only aspect of sexual experience.

This, coupled with the misconception that good sex is only possible with a large penis, can lead to a lack of enjoyment during sex.

However, penetrative sex is just one part of a sexual experience. There are many other ways to arouse and stimulate each other, such as intimate massage, oral sex, and cuddling with some petting. Additionally, intimacy can be achieved even without engaging in sexual activity. Here you can find 4 ways to enjoy intimacy without sex.

Trying new things, new positions

How often do we find ourselves using the same sex positions in the same places? Sometimes, we just need a bit of variety.

Trying out different sex positions can be especially helpful if your current set of positions is not satisfying for you or your partner.

Also, consider changing the place where you have sex. The bed is not the only place for sex.

How about trying sex in the shower, on the couch, or even on the kitchen table? Or maybe some boss-secretary role play at the desk? Sharing fantasies and desires, trying out unconventional things can spice up your sex life and make it even more exciting.

Using sex accessories

Another variation you can try is using sex toys and gadgets. For example, if you enjoy being in charge or letting your partner be in charge, try using some handcuffs.

If your partner loves clitoral stimulation, try a magic wand or clitoral stimulator. If you enjoy spanking and naughty fun, then a little leather paddle might be right for you.

The possibilities are endless. Nowadays, there are many sex accessories and costumes available, so everyone can find something that suits them.

Sexual Arousal - Mental & Physical stimulation

It’s important to notice that mental stimulation often plays a bigger role in arousal than physical stimulation. If you understand it, you can use it to your and you partner’s advantage to enjoy sex even more.

What is Physical Sexual Stimulation?

Physical stimulation is every sensation that is related to touch. This can be the way someone touches your intimate parts (oral sex, classic sex or handjob), erougenous zones (kissing your neck) or any part of your body. This can be the the touch you feel on yourself / in yourself during sex itself. Also, touching your partners body or feeling the wetness of the lips or woman’s pussy, feeling her scratch your back (some people like it) is physical as well. Masturbation or playing with massagers is also a type of physical stimulation.

What is Mental Sexual Stimulation?

Mental stimulation is all the non-physical stimuli (not related to touch), for example visual image, imagination, smell or sound.

Things that stimulate you mentally can be for example: the view of a naked partner, watching her play with hersef or enjoying the way she looks in a certain outfit / costume. Watching videos or images is stimulating mentally too.

When it comes to sound and smell, moans and “sex sounds”, as well as the smell of your partner’s skin can be arousing mentally.

Imagination and the whole component of how you perceive the sexual encounter is a very powerful aspect of arousal and sexual enjoyment. For example dominance or role play is so exciting not necessarily because of what you do (the touch), but because of how you imagine / perceive what you do and how it makes you feel.

For example, you can have sex in a certain position and enjoy it just a bit. Or you can have sex in the same position, but when your partner is submissive (let’s say wearing hand cuffs) or moans the way you like it, then you may enjoy it more, although the touch and physical stimulation is the same – that’s because the mental aspect of this activity (imagination, feeling dominant, the sound of moans) is the most arousing.

But mental stimulation doesn’t have to be kinky at all. Notice that some people like the feeling of being taken care of, feeling calm and safe. They might find that they get the most aroused during a sensual massage, when they’re in the center of someone’s attention and someone does something pleasurable for them.

Another example of mental stimulation you might have noticed is the way you react to the smell of certain seductive perfumes that women wear. If you’re sensitive to smells, you surely get excited when your partner wears the perfumes you like.

And one last example, seeing / feeling / hearing your partner getting aroused or having an orgasm can be a strong mental stimuli too. Personally, I get very excited when I see how my partner enjoys what we do. When both partners find it exciting when the other one gets aroused, it usually results in an awesome sex (and strong orgasms).

Mental and Physical stimulation come together

Let’s take a look at giving a butt slap during sex, that so many people like. Although it’s a physical stimulation, the big part of the pleasure comes from the mental aspect of this action. Think about it, do you enjoy literally the way your hand touches the skin, or the act of doing a “naughty slap”, being slightly dominant and maybe the little moan your partner makes after?

There are many other activities that provide both, the mental and physical stimulation. Combining things that stimulate you mentally with things that stimulate you physically is also a great way to enhance your leasure from sex.

Finding your balance

Sometimes people focus a lot on the physical stimulation, but they completely forget that the arousal starts in the brain. They try to do things faster or harder, stimulate their intimate parts more to feel more, when all they need is to add one, very subtle detail that would blow their minds and turn them on mentally much more than any physical stimulation (for example an accessory, an element of light dominance or some dirty talk).

It’s important to understand what turns you on and incorporate those things into sex if your partner is comfortable with it. Have you ever thought about something and it immediately turned you on, even though you didn’t do anything and didn’t get stimulated physically? That’s what mental sexual stimulation is.

Fulfilling your sexual fantasies or trying “unconventional things” can be deeply satisfying and exciting.  Even small accessories like high heels or a choker, or taking on dominant/submissive roles, can make a significant difference, even if the partner is the same and everything else about the physical stimulation / activities /  sex positions remains the same.

Here again I’d like to mention how important being present in the moment and opening up for the sensations is. Being present and grasping every stimuli and every moment is an important aspect of mental stimulation that intensifies enjoyment of every view, moan, touch, kiss and feeling every move.

Explore more about sex and intimacy

To read more about sex and intimacy, check out my escort blog.

Sensual massage in Warsaw with Nicole Kaminski

I’m an independent, professional masseuse based in Warsaw, Poland. On my blog, I write about subjects related to my work: erotic massage, sensuality & intimacy. You can also find here interesting posts for massage clients and helpful tips for gentlemen planning to book an erotic massage in Warsaw.

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